Dear …everybody does,

So I want to write – I have a lot to say, really. There is nothing horrifying or amusing or even that funny about the situation except I can go off on a 20 minute rant that is both eloquent, cutting, and hysterical…but I cant seem to get those words on paper anymore. So, advice lady, what do I do now? Do I write about the obnoxious douchebag I just invested time into only to later discover that he was a dbag? Do I write about the degradation of American society? Or do I say screw it all and write some ridiculously lame romance novel that makes a point every 30 pages or so to talk about her milky white breasts? (Why aren’t they ever milk chocolate breasts…I may be on to something here…is there racism in trashy .25 cent romance novels and does anyone really care if there is?) Does this question make any sense?

Signed,

So Much To Say

_______________________

Dear So Much To Say,

Yes, your question makes perfect sense, but I’m afraid that you’re asking the wrong question.  You could write a trashy romance novel about the degradation of American society starring a male character loosely based on your obnoxious waste of time.  maybe it’s the next great american novel, probably not, but who knows. Here’s the thing though – it doesn’t matter what you write.  It only matters that you write. You say that you’re able to “…go off on a 20 minute rant that is both eloquent, cutting, and hysterical..” but that you can’t get that on paper. Why? What is keeping you from writing? It sounds like there was a time you could write. What’s different now? Are you afraid that it will be bad, are you afraid of failure, are you afraid that you’re actually not capable of creating something worth putting on paper?  Why aren’t you writing? You won’t be able to go forward until you figure out the answer to that question. You wrote to me – maybe that’s a first step.

You want to write, you have a lot to say, so write. If paper is causing your writer’s block – talk. Record what you have to say. Transcribe. Edit later. Don’t be afraid to fail. Write some things that are truly awful and that no one would want to read. Write something brilliant. Write as much as possible.  And when you finally finish your first trashy romance novel/masterpiece of the English language, make sure you dedicate the book to me!

Got problems? Everybody does.

Let’s be honest with each other here, shall we? We all like to read about the amusing, horrifying, sad, funny, and confusing problems that other people have. We also like to read amusing, horrifying, sad, funny, and confusing advice from barely qualified people who have declared themselves advice columnists. We also like to secretly ask these people advice for ourselves or our “friends” and then hope and hope that they choose our letter.

Friends, you are in luck! …everybody does is looking to hand out some sound advice (with a smattering of sass) to anyone who is looking.  E-mail everybodydoesadvice@gmail.com or fill out the contact form here and let me know what you want to know!

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